Mimsy Knows Best: Everything You Ever Wanted
To Know About Fishnet
By: Mimsy
This is the first in
what will be a many-faceted look at the pinnacles of gothdom. Fishnet is a basic
essential for any well-dressed goth, but Mimsy is guessing there are things that
you don’t know. Well, don’t worry, darlings. That’s what I’m here for.
Origins
Darlings, I searched all over to find the origin of fishnet
in its wearable form. I found several hypotheses, but no credible source with an
actual origin. One of the best guesses I came across was a member of a fashion
forum, who ascribed fishnet as an article of clothing to one of Aesop’s fables. The fable, I later discovered, was The Clever
Peasant’s Daughter, often credited to The Brothers Grimm, in which the
clever daughter of a peasant is told to prove her wit by coming to the king “not
clothed, not naked, not riding, not walking, not in the road, and not out of the
road, and if thou canst do that I will marry thee.” The daughter, in order to
come neither clothed nor naked, wraps herself in a fishnet.
I do have credible sources on when fishnet first came
to America. Fishnet first came over to America from Paris in 1908, but it didn’t
gain mainstream popularity until the 1980’s. Previously it had been associated
mainly with prostitutes and “loose women”, but in the 80’s it became hugely
popular. Interestingly enough, that’s around the same time that women started
taking classes that made them stick a hand mirror between their legs and face
down their own vaginas. Stick that in your social climate and smoke it.
Modern Uses
 Now that you can wear fishnet without “whore” accusations
flying through the air, fishnet-wearers have a whole new realm of possibilities.
We can buy fishnet stockings in the waist-high and the thigh-high, and Spanx
brand has even come out with control-top fishnets! You can have knee-high
fishnet socks, or even those little footies that only go to just below your
ankle. You can get fishnet tank tops, and long-sleeved fishnet shirts. Yours
truly even has a pair of fingerless fishnet gloves. There’s almost no limit to
what fishnet can do. You can find fishnet in almost any color, including
metallics, although my sources indicate that basic black is still the most
popular.
Do’s
Darlings, do be adventurous. Fishnet is not for the
demure or weak at heart. You must be over 40 inches tall and it is not
recommended for pregnant women or for people with heart or back problems. All
right, you can be short and pregnant with heinous back problems and still pull
off fishnet, but you get the point.
Generally, when something was considered “cool” in the 80’s,
I recommend that you try to avoid the look. Layered fishnet, however, is still a
good statement to make. You can switch up the textures and the colors and create
a totally unique effect. This is best worn with skirts, as you’ll want to expose
a lot of leg to show the textured effect.
I also highly recommend fishnet under torn jeans. It’s funky
and it’s unexpected. It’s almost impossible recently to find a good comfy pair
of jeans that haven’t been “pre-distressed”. As ridiculous as that is, this is a
good way to turn the oh-so-popular look into your own. Also, it means you don’t
have to worry if you haven’t shaven your legs in a week… The fishnet will make
that less obvious.
Fishnet shirts are always a good look, provided you do it
properly. Do make sure that if you’re wearing a shirt underneath, it’s a
tighter fit than the fishnet shirt. Lengths don’t matter as much, but the
tightness of the shirt is imperative. You don’t want tacky bunchy fabric bulging
under your fishnet, do you? Mimsy is also a fan of long-sleeved fishnet under a
slightly looser t-shirt.
Small-pattern fishnet, black, can be worn with
conventional-looking shoes and a knee-length skirt to the office. The texture is
refreshing when worn with a conservative outfit, and can break the monotony of
the all-black Corporate Goth uniform.
It's all right to wear socks with your fishnets. I recommend
pink argyle knee socks and a black miniskirt with your fishnets, for aesthetics.
For practical purposes, footie socks can go underneath your fishnet stockings to
ease the discomfort on your feet. My sources also swear by those little socks
that only cover your toe when wearing high heels.
Don’t’s
Please, darlings, as adorable as the torn-fishnet look is,
don’t try to claim that those artful tears placed “just so” were accidental.
Mimsy hates that. If you choose to rip your fishnets to shreds, or to make a new
pattern by cutting out certain threads, there’s nothing wrong with taking the
credit for doing it purposely. It won’t make you a poseur. I promise.
Don’t wear a skirt so short that people can see your
“delicate bits”. I don’t care if you’ve found the perfect combination of
small-pattern red fishnets with large-pattern black fishnets, you can show
plenty of leg without showing the world your “pink parts”.
If you are hairy, please shave before wearing fishnet. If you have hairy arms,
please either shave your arms (it happens all the time, darlings. It’s not as
strange as you think) or refrain from wearing long-sleeved fishnet shirts.
Please note that by “hairy” I do not mean that you have hair on your arms. Mimsy
recognizes that, as mammals, we all have hair on our arms. By “hairy” I mean
that the hair on your arms sticks out of the fishnet in an unpleasant way and
makes you look like a Yeti/hooker crossbreed.
Don’t wear fishnet that’s too loose for you. Saggy baggy
fishnet will make you look deformed. No, I’m not kidding. It will make your skin
look saggy and baggy.
Darlings, I hope my facts and pointers have helped get you
well on your way to becoming a well-dressed goth, or at the very least, a
moderately-decent-dressed goth. Or, perhaps, for some of you, a better-dressed
goth. Let’s not argue semantics, though.
Until next time,
~Mimsy
Questions? Comments?
Send them to:
MimsyKnowsBest@hotmail.com
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